I Am NOT Crazy
by LovinLife107
Summary: Hermione and Ginny have just gone on the adventure of a lifetime. The problem is no one will believe them. But would you believe two witches that just told you they had traveled to a place where Crabbe and Goyle are fighting over a dress? Read to see..
1. Chapter 1: Craziness

Chapter One: Craziness

Author's Note: This story is told through two different view points. Hermione's and Ginny's to be exact. Please review and let me know what you think. Thanks. :D

I Am _Not _Crazy

Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling's wonderful work in any which way. Got it? Get it? Good.

Hermione:

I'm supposed to tell you what I did last week because some particular people think I'm…psycho. That's putting it at its worst. I guess a better way of saying what they think I am would be out of my mind. Terminally...crazy. At least that's what their saying.

Yes, I know. Me, Hermione Granger, going mental? It's scientifically, and not to mention magically impossible. You and I both know that it is absolutely positively absurd. I know it happened and no one, I repeat, no one, can convince me otherwise. Once I explain it to you, I'm sure you'll understand what I'm talking about and we can go lock them up instead of me.

Ginny:

I had just missed my appointment with my healer who supposively deals with mental problems. The only problem is that I do not have a mental problem. Hermione calls them psychiatrists. I'm guessing that's what their called by the muggles. Why was I supposed to go to a "psychiatrist" you ask? Well, because apparently I'm mad. Yep that's right. I'm one banana short of a bundle. Or so people say. The people at that hospital I mean.

Apparently people don't accept stories about evil burnt leprechauns, a llama obsessed teacher, and Kazoo Land to be true. Who'd have thought it huh? We live in a magical community and yet, people _still_ don't believe you even though you've gone on many adventures even with the famous Harry Potter! Do you really think I look crazy?

Wow, I can already see your reaction to that question. A vigorous shake to the head and you slowly pushing your chair back in hopes that those extra two spaces of air between psycho Ginny and you will be a very nice idea.

Anyway, now I bet you're wondering the reason behind me being classified "crazy". Well, are ya? Are ya! I thought so. Well here it is. Kazoo Land. Yep that's it. Why are you shaking your head no? It's real I tell you. Real! I was sucked into a worm hole because of a screwed up potions class, even though it was Hermione's fault. Yes I did say Hermione, Hermione Granger. I was sent on a quest to collect items from Kazoo Land. Why are you backing away? I'm telling the truth! Okay look. This is how it happened. . .


	2. Chapter 2: Professor Weyers

Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling's work. Never will.

Chapter Two: Professor Weyers

I Am _Not_ Crazy

Ginny:

"Ginny get up! You're going to miss potions class!" Someone was hollering up the stairs. I rolled over and sighed, very much in the mood to go right back to sleep.

They hollered again. "Ginny! Get up!" I finally responded with "all right already" kind of growl and tossed myself out bed. It didn't take long for me to change into my robes and chase my books that were whisked out of the portrait hole by a charm. I ran down the hall towards the dungeons where Potions class was being held, still half asleep.

Hermione:

It all started last Thursday. Well no, it all happened last Thursday but it seemed like it lasted a few days. My mind still can't quite manage to accept the fact that it all happened in so little time. I walked into potions like I always do saying hello to everyone I knew and made my way to my seat. Potions is my first class of the day so I walked down the isle and flopped down in my seat waiting for Ginny, my partner to get her butt in there so I could talk to her.

Oh and so I don't confuse you, this isn't your normal potions class. It's only for the "most self-accomplished" in the school. But I say ha! I don't believe a word the new magical school board is saying. If I'm in a class with the nutty professor and Crabbe and Goyle, then I don't think it's for the most "self-accomplished" wizards and witches in our school. Harry and Ron were having some sort of encounter with Malfoy at the moment and I really didn't feel like arguing this particular morning. So I waited.

While I waited I watched Professor Weyers, our newest potions master. This is his first semester teaching you see and he doesn't well…he doesn't exactly know what to do I guess you could say. He always talks oddly in this scrawny little voice and you can barely ever hear him. He'll rub his hands together while talking and sometimes even talks while holding this stuffed little owl. Yes I said owl. Not a real one either. Fake. I'm not sure if it's some sort of childish belonging that he can't manage to give up or has some strange other significance to him. Not even I can tell that.

Danny, a kid in our class, once threw the threw a package of Exploding Snaps (this particular package had been fooled around with by the twins) in the trash can and Weyers ran out screaming because the trash can caught on fire and he didn't know what to do. I found it highly unprofessional. We are here to learn, not to play silly games. And besides, this is not the muggle world. We have wands for goodness sake. Use your brain and put the fire out! Oh, and there was this other time where-

"Hermione!" My healer straightened her glasses.

"What?" I asked angrily. I wanted to tell her about how Weyers got his foot stuck in the toilet thanks to some stupid idiot in the class and how I hoped he would get fired so we could actually learn from someone who might actually know something more complex than I do. The particular potion she had given me had made me very enthusiastic to talk and I wanted to keep right on going.

"Remember we were talking about what happened to you on Thursday?" she asked.

"Oh! Oh yes that. Yes okay well so I was waiting for Ginny to come into the potions room. The second bell rang and Ginny wanders in looking like she's still asleep. That's very typical of Ginny but I don't mind it much. She's still much smarter than Harry and Ron. Now don't get me wrong. Harry and Ron are my best friends and probably always will be. Yet, Ginny can always bring me back to sanity when the boys are off running around with the twins. Anyways, getting back to the first topic. We talked and giggled about the normal daily events when the Professor calls the class to order.


	3. Chapter 3: The Mistake That Began It All

Chapter Three: The Mistake That Began It All

I Am _Not_ Crazy

Hermione:

"Okay class. Settle down." The class continues talking. Everyone, even including me. And when I talk through a class, you KNOW this teacher is horrible. "Um, excuse me, settle down please," repeated Professor Weyers. So the class continues to talk until he says something that attracts all of our attention.

"Today we will….um… be doing an experiment with some chemicals and potions and…stuff you all most likely have not worked with before." The only thing that I can remember thinking was something along the lines of "I cannot believe that he cannot find a better word to use then 'stuff'. He is _at least_ thirty years older than I am and he can't use more impressive word usage then I can. What. An. Idiot." A few of the class stopped talking.

"It involves radiation and this rainbow goo stuff that I cannot remember the name of right now." Everyone stopped talking and started to laugh about the rainbow goo comment. I just buried my head in my hands as it appeared I knew more than the teacher once again. "So, go to your stations and follow the directions on the page next to your lab equipment," Professor Weyers instructed us.

Ginny and I slowly made our way over to our station, talking nonstop. After a few minutes, I managed to get Ginny to accomplish some work. "Okay," Ginny said. "It says here that we need the following: ½ cup of rainbow extract, five pounds of slugs, two cups of sugar, ¼ cup of onions, and .017 milligrams of radiation stuff."

I started gathering the ingredients. We had been given a big cylinder type object to mix our experiment in. "Okay so ½ cup of rainbow extract, five pounds of slugs, two cups of sugar, 1/3 cup of onions, and 17,000 milligrams of that radiation right?" I asked as pouring all the contents into the large cylinder.

"Sounds good to me," she responded, not even looking at the sheet. That was the one mistake I have ever made in my life; I didn't even bother to pick up the paper we had been given and double check my work. I picked up a large stirring spoon and started mixing together everything. Ginny picked up the sheet on the counter. "It says now we wait a little while and then this concoction should turn into a…a…Hermione tell me if I'm reading this right." I took the paper.

"A dancing burnt leprechaun?" I read, very puzzled.

"What in the world is this supposed to teach us?" Parvati added in from a table near us.

"I thought it'd be…erm…fun?" Professor Weyers said from behind us.

I whirled around. "But what in the world do leprechauns have to do with potions? For goodness sake, this is a class where we are actually supposed to learn something! Not be fooling around making these mad experiments. Why not show us how to do something effective and useful? Why not show us how to make a potion that helps with coughs? JUST FOR GODS SAKE TEACh US SOMEThING APPROPRIATE TO ThE CURRICULM. "

"Leprechauns have nothing to do with potions but evil…burnt ones have a LOT to do with the subject," he said, cackling in a very strange way and completely ignoring me outburst. I was beginning to believe my Professor was beyond fanatical.

Hermione, look at it! It's boiling and…and…growing bigger!" Ginny shouted. I turned around and indeed the goo had come out of the container and was growing to the size of a seven or eight foot tall man. My wand had somehow gotten away from me in all the chaos so I couldn't use it. So, I, of course, started screaming incessantly and looked at the goo. I haven't been very good in panic situations lately. It finally stopped growing and I kept on screaming and running in circles around the room. I ran into a desk and fell to the floor. I kept screaming and kicking but you have to understand that I was in such a shock that I did not know I was no longer standing up. I am NOT crazy.

Ron came over, slapped me softly against my face and told me to shut up. I stopped screaming after a moment and stood up, coming back to reality. Everyone was either looking at the big blob of glimmering rainbow goo or me.

"What, what is it?" Crabbe asked cautiously, attempting to hide his extremely large figure behind a chair.

Professor Weyers apparently did not know either and picked up a piece of baloney from his desk and started waving it at the goo. "Weee commmmmme inn peace!" he said. Nothing happened. I couldn't believe it. We are in the magical society. At least since the last time I checked we were. Correct me if I'm wrong. But ever heard of using a wand? Heck, ever heard of using your **_brain_**. At the point he was at, he might as well tell everyone that a piece of celery is more efficient than a wand.

"Well funky llamas then!" Lee grumbled. It was one of his wacky sayings that he used. The glob opened up into a sucking hole. The whole class started to bellow and holler for help as we were all lifted up into the air.

"Ginny! Hermione! I don't think you made the leprechaun right!" Ron shouted.

"Well that's a no brainer Weasley!" spat out Malfoy.

"To me, it looks as if you've created some sort of…of…time converting alternate universe time continual sort of thing," Lee exclaimed.

"Cool!" Luna added in as we were all unexpectedly absorbed into the hole.


	4. Chapter 4: Mr Crouch Returns

Chapter Four: Mr. Crouch Returns

Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling's work.

I Am _Not _Crazy

Hermione:

Everything was quiet, too quiet. I saw nothing magical really anywhere. My wand was no where to be seen. The last thing I could remember was Lee saying something about funky llamas and then being sucked into some sort of never ending black hole. "Well that certainly was a bad dream!" I mumbled, standing up. "Funky llamas, yeah right," I snickered to myself. I'd just had a horribly bad dream is all.

"Llamas! Llamas! Where? Where are they?" A man from behind me shouted with happiness.

"Aah!" I screamed. I looked around frantically. I wasn't in my room. I was in the middle of a forest. I spotted only Ginny lying nearby and ran over to her. "Ginny, wake up. Wake up already!" I pleaded. I got her to wake up as the man started walking towards us.

"Now where did you say those llamas have gone off to?" He adjusted his glasses. I gave a little shriek and hid behind Ginny. Ginny turned and examined the man. "Mr.…Mr. Crouch!" She exclaimed at once with astonishment in her voice.

"From fourth year?" I asked.

"Yes. Hello again!" He said while rubbing his running nose on his hand and then offering it to us to shake.

"Eww!" I yelled and hit his hand away. I had so many questions for him still though. Why was he here? How was he alive? Where had he been all this time? I wanted to know it all, and now. However, I barely even knew Mr. Crouch and couldn't bring myself to open my mouth and be nosey like I normally am.

"Okay, well then fine. We'll get down to business. You're here to do the quest, as you already know. You summoned me and said the magic words. Speaking of the magic word, that reminds me of llamas. Would you like to see some pictures of my baby llamas? I have so many I could own a llama farm." He chuckled to himself. "Get it, Llama farm! Like the muggles? And their ant farms? But with llamas!" He knew we weren't getting it. Mr. Crouch stopped talking and straightened the suit he was currently wearing. "So shall I go fetch the pictures?" he asked.

"No!" Ginny exclaimed. "Now you said something about a quest? What quest?" she asked confused.

"Oh yes! THAT! If you're quite sure you don't want to see any pictures of llamas then…"

"No. Thanks, but no thanks." Ginny said now getting frustrated. "If you could please just explain what's going on, that'd be great."

Mr. Crouch just rolled his eyes. "Well everyone knows that if you make a sucking time continual space transferor machine that takes you to alternate universes and say llamas of course you have to go on a quest! I mean come on! We all know that. No need to go over it again."

Ginny and I looked at each other in shock. "Anyways, moving on, as you two probably already have noticed, you two are alone. It's very simple. You have to find your eight classmates. AND to make it fun, let's add in a bit of a…scavenger hunt, let's call it. Like the ones muggles have. I need you two to pick up a few items for me…" He stopped. He picked up a big piece of Ginny and my hair and took a long, deep sniff. I was too scared to move and obviously Ginny thought that he had lost his mind.

"Very nice! Yes, very, VERY nice without a doubt. Smells almost as good as those llamas, but back to your quest. Each of you will be finding some people for me as well." He turned to Ginny. "You," he pointed at her, "will be finding a kazoo, a book of mine titled Idiots Guide to Scavenger Hunts, a box of twelve tissues, mind you twelve tissues. No more, no less, and lastly a box of five different colored highlighters. Muggles have some very, very fascinating objects, don't you think?"

He turned to me now. "And you, little lady, will be finding the following items for me: Platform shoes, my blanket named Blankie Wankie. Oh! Be careful though. Sometimes an impersonator named Honky Tonky tries to impersonate her."

"It has a name?" I asked.

"Yes, _she_ does," he said smugly. "Now also I'd like you to find a book called 101 Ways to put on a Ballerina Tutu for me, a rotting pumpkin, and of course, six hairs of a ferret," he said as if nothing out of the ordinary had just came out of his mouth.

This is when Ginny cracked. "Have you lost your bloody mind? You want us to go on a wild goose chase for items that are absolutely useless and find out classmates too!"

"Well don't talk to me like that!" he said with a frown. "You two are the ones that forced me in here in the first place so don't try to blame this thing on me. No way! Now back to the topic. You, I believe you said your name was Hermione when I first met you?" I nodded. "You will be responsible for finding Neville, Lee, Luna, and Malfoy." He looked at Ginny again. "You will be looking for Goyle, Crabbe, Parvati, and Ron." Now he looked as if he was in a hurry.

"Well have fun and here are two Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There-Quick-Machines. Oh, and one of you can find that Potter boy. Harry. Yes him. Find him too. If you find someone, you can send him or her back by hitting him or her with these Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There machine rays. You two may not however leave until all items and people have been returned. If you find an item, hold it above your head and shout 'Llama Idama, Wary Mama come and get this Tama Hama!' And a llama will come immediately to retrieve it from you. Have fun. Tootleloo, and if you ever want to see those pictures let me know!" With that being said, he snapped his fingers and was gone in a puff of smoke.

"I cannot believe this is happening. Hermione, slap me. Bite me. Pinch me. Kick me. Spit! I don't care; just make me wake up from this dream." Thinking it would make her happy; I punched, kicked, slapped, pinched, and spit on her.

"Oww!" she said. "What'd you do that for?" I started to speak. "No! You know what. Never mind. Everything's too messed up already." Ginny paused, looking deep in thought, while rubbing the spot on her ankle that I had just kicked. "You know I might be out of my mind but let's just do this so we can get out of here."

We started walking and came to a crossing. It had two tunnels leading in opposite directions. "See you when this whole thing is over," she mumbled and she started down the right tunnel. I took a big deep breath and started walking, head held high, feeling extremely important. I mean, I was on a mission after all! However as I was walking I noticed I had a big blob of goo on my brand new robes and I walked on, desperately trying to figure out what I could do to get the goo off without actually touching it.

Suddenly, I bumped into something or someone and heard my shriek and someone else's. I looked up and saw Ginny. Ginny's tunnel and mine had collided; we both calmed down and made an apology to each other. We said goodbye again and continued down on our separate paths.


	5. Chapter 5: Ron the Bard

Chapter Five: Ron the Bard

Disclaimer: I don't own harry Potter.

I Am _Not _Crazy

Ginny:

As I neared the end of my tunnel I heard what I thought was singing. My heart soared. That was Ron singing! I never thought I'd be so happy to hear the lovely off-key styling's of Ron Weasley. I rushed out of the tunnel and was met by bright light. After my eyes adjusted, and I finally saw Ron, I wished I could stay blind.

Ron was dressed in something akin to a jester's suit in the colors of lime green and pink. I came near to throwing up. And he was drunk. At least he was acting drunk. Swaying on his feet whilst dancing around and singing some song about a dog or another. He sort of reminded me of one of those bards in the medieval times that sung about gallant knights saving fair ladies. However, Ron as a bard just doesn't work. At all. Sighing I went over to him cautiously.

Gulping, I tried to talk to him. "Hey…uhh. . . Ron? You okay?" He spun around grinning like he had won a million dollars. "Why hello Ginny! I must say that you are looking a little paler than normal. Care for a song to bring some color back to your cheeks?" He took a deep breath and opened his mouth to sing some other song I cared nothing for. I quickly interrupted him. "No! Ron I . . . uhh. . . Think we should maybe go find the others. I mean, aren't you even curious as to what is going on?"

He never stopped smiling. "Nope." He replied, bouncing around causing the bells on his pointed shoes to jingle. I shuddered in fear. Too happy. He was just way too happy! I tried again. "Ron, I REALLY think we need to go find the others. They must be worried by now. I mean, we are in a really creepy place, and I have to find this stuff for this guy, so I was wondering if maybe you would like to-," He was ignoring me. I sighed. "Aww screw this." I pointed the Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There Machine at him and as a very colorful ray beam fired at him, he vanished in a puff of smoke. I placed the ray thingy under my arm and continued forward. If that was any indication as to what the others were up too, I had a bad feeling that I wasn't going to like what was coming up.


	6. Chapter 6: Kazoo Land

Chapter Six: A Dress…And Then Bingo in Kazoo Land

I Am _Not _Crazy

Ginny:

It seemed as though I had walked forever when I finally came upon two of my other classmates. I gave myself a mental pep talk to prepare for what might happen and stepped closer to see who it was. It turned out to Crabbe and Goyle. And they were fighting over a dress. I was looking for a convenient ravine to throw myself into when they turned, noticed me, and started to rush over. I sighed. Just lovely.

It was Goyle who reached me first. "Ginny oh thank God you're here. I can't seem to convince Mr. Pouty over there that this dress looks much better on me than it does on him. He just doesn't notice how it matches my eyes." He held it up to his face as if to prove the point. Crabbe was next to stand in front of me. He started tugging the dress out of Goyle's hands." No, I must disagree with you on that Mr. Dressy Pants. The dress goes SO much better with MY hair." They continued their mini tug-of-war game. Personally I thought that a pea green dress with gold stripes and a pink bow undoubtedly ugly.

However, I decided not to interrupt. Besides, it's not everyday you get to see Crabbe and Goyle fight over a dress. I found a rather soft patch of grass and sat down to watch the show….

-2 Hours Later-

Okay, it was now getting boring. The insults were stupid. Their reasons for being more privileged to have the dress were pointless. And the dress….well the dress needed to be burnt. Sometime during the first hour, Crabbe had finally prevailed in grabbing the dress and was currently up a tree holding the dress just out of a jumping Goyle's reach. It took me about a half hour to figure out how someone who weighed so much had climbed a tree in a matter of a few seconds. Yep, it was over for them. Sighing I stood up and zapped them both back. As a second thought, I zapped the dress as well. Give them something to do while they waited for everyone to get back. I chuckled as I pictured Ron the Bard singing about the terrible fight over that god-awful dress.

It was another one of those forever walks before I came across a very interesting sight. It was a big city! It was one of those future cities you see with all the cool cars that fly through the air, and everything is chrome. It was cool. The only downside was the fact that as I got closer, I heard the weirdest noise. I couldn't get quite close enough to hear what exactly it was. It sounded…. sounded….like a KAZOO!

Gasping in happiness I rushed closer to find a name. It took a bit of searching but I finally found the town welcome sign hidden under a bush. Go figure huh. I read it. The town was conveniently named Kazoo Land. How nice for me. Smiling I walked into the town. And was almost ran over by a running Parvati. I blinked.

"Uhhhh….Parvati?" She turned to me. "Yeppers what can I do for you? OH MY GOD GINNY! You're alive!" She dropped what she was holding and hugged me. My guess is she didn't realize it was me at first. I returned the hug but had to ask her to let me go after I felt my ribs breaking. She blushed, mumbled an apology, and started to gather the things she dropped. I cataloged as she picked the things up. She had a kazoo, a book that looked like one of those idiots' guides, a box of tissues, and a box of highlighters. I counted five highlighters all together and all of them were different colors.

I looked at her. "Parvati, where and WHY did you get this stuff!" She smiled at me and handed me the items. "Well," she said with a smirk, "when I landed here I noticed that there was this muggle game going on. I recognized it from when I saw it going on once and all of us were laughing over all the muggles going 'Oh MY GOODNESS I WON! BINGO! BINGO!' It really is funny to see them do it Hermione. You should watch it sometime. I mean they shout and hop around when they get this card full. I had nothing to do and nothing was going on and I had no clue what to do. I heard I could get a card for free and decided to see what was so fun about filling up a card with little...chips I think they call them. I decided to play as I thought about what was going on. I mean, I am smart. Besides, with no wand it's really hard to get around. Apparently you lost yours too since you probably wouldn't be here if you did have it." I nodded in agreement, a bit aggravated at how long the story was droning on.

She continued, "Well eventually I had been playing without really noticing and I won bingo! Isn't that nice? That stuff, "she indicated with a nod of her head, "was the prize. It was really random but hey what can ya say, it was free. And I did find out why they yell and scream and all. You get free stuff.

Now do you think you could hold that load of mine as I find a store to pawn it off on? I think there's a muggle collecting store down near Olivander's. Or maybe if I'm lucky enough I'll be able to find something down in this wretched little forest. I-" POOF! I placed the ray thingy back on top of the pile of stuff. I figured she'd forgive me for stealing her hard earned prize. At least I would apologize later. Smiling, I sat the stuff on the ground and at the top of my lungs chanted, "Llama Idama, Wary Mama come and get this stuff Tama Hama!"

A bright light flashed and there was Mr. Crouch riding a llama. He smiled at me. "Oh good you got the stuff. I was beginning to w-" I threw the stuff at him, and was briskly walking away. I was done. All I needed to do now was find Hermione, then high-tail it home. Mr. Crouch called after me, "Are you sure you don't want to see any pictures of my llamas?" I stopped and turned around. "NO!" I turned back around.

I had noticed a Wal-Mart earlier and I wanted something to eat from the McDonalds there. Hermione had introduced me to them, from the muggle world, and I was now addicted to the fast food of the beloved McDonalds. Because let's face it, when you've been through what I've been through, you tend to get hungry.


	7. Chapter 7: The Gingerbread War

Chapter Seven: The Gingerbread War

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. Nothing else.

I know some people are reading this story, I can tell by the number of hits it's gotten. Please R&R..it makes me feel like people actually _somew_h_at _care about the story and it would make me feel better too. So if you could...that'd make me a happy girl. :D

I Am _Not _Crazy

Hermione:

Now I didn't have a clue as to what to do. I didn't know how I was going to find these people or even how I would manage to get the items back. I figured for now I would just keep walking down the tunnel, as it was the only thing I could do. Time passed and I started to get cold. Up ahead, I saw ice blocks and wandered over to them as I heard a commotion coming from behind a very large one. What I saw made me start laughing instantaneously. First, there was Malfoy holding a very large peppermint candy cane, and a pitcher of milk, trying to ward off hundreds of gingerbread men.

"Get back," Malfoy hollered. "I swear I'll pour milk over you all if you don't get away from me." I watched Malfoy for a little while, thinking I'd lost my mind. Truthfully, I was regretting I hadn't brought a camera with me to capture what I was seeing.

After a bit, I noticed Luna Lovegood hovered in the other corner whispering to what seemed to be the Gingerbread King. I overheard some of their conversation.

"Do you know…the muffin man?" Luna asked.

"The muffin man?" the Gingerbread King questioned.

"THE MUFFIN MAN!" The herd of gingerbread men screamed in unison and then turned back to the battle against Malfoy.

"Who…who lives on Drury Lane?" the King asked Luna.

"Yes!" She said with a wild cackle. I knew after hearing that something had happened to Luna's brain. We all knew Luna could be a bit strange but this was going overboard even for her.

"This is what we can do," Luna said, "We can get the treasure away if we distract him. Then, together, we can rule the world after uniting together with the Oh-Amazing-One-Muffin-Man! Hehehehehe!"

Now I might be wrong, but I don't think the King was paying much attention to what Luna was saying. He seemed to be more intent on staring at her in awe.

"And you can be my…my Queen!" he swooned.

Luna was not getting it. "Ooh! Nice idea, more power for us all. Now let's get that candy cane so we can rule the WORLD!"

I watched Luna get up, ready to attack Malfoy. I realized I had to do what I was here to do. I took my Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There-Quick-Machine and shot both of them with it. It was quiet for a moment and the gingerbread army looked at me as I looked at them.

"You!" the King screeched. "You took my…my Queen!" He was getting mad now. "Charge!" he squeaked and I looked around. I saw a hole in the tunnel wall and noticed a ferret poke its head out. I ran over them, crumbling some as I went. I grabbed some ferret hair off the giant ferret as I jumped down the ferret hole.


	8. Chapter 8: Fun in WalMart

Chapter Eight: Fun in Wal-Mart

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of J.K. Rowling's.

I Am _Not _Crazy

Hermione:

I was in Wal-Mart! I normally preferred the wizarding world's stores but today, I was glad to be in a plain and simple, Wal-Mart.

It took a little while to find Lee and Neville. Neville was next to a chipmunk cage and was well…basically obsessed with it. When he found out I wanted to send him back, he stuck out his front teeth (yes like a chipmunk) and ran all over the store. I gave up trying to catch him and called over a Wal-Mart security guard. The next few minutes consisted of Neville running and squealing like a chipmunk while the guard who had had a few too many donuts chased him. Miraculously, the guard caught him and held him to the ground. However, he would not stop squirming and the man took out his taser gun. "UUGGGGGGHHH!" Neville groaned. I missed my wand. It would be so much easier with it.

After he passed out, I sent him back to the classroom with the Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There-Quick-Machine. I decided I'd go shopping for the rest of the items. I found them all quite easily and found 101 Ways to put on a Ballerina Tutu with "Blankie Wankie" near The Wiggles section of the store. "Llama Idama, Wary Mama come and get this Tama Hama!" Mr. Crouch rode in gallantly on a llama and asked again if I wanted to come visit his llama farm. After being chased around the store by him for a bit, I managed got rid of him and decided I'd have something to eat as I was starving. I wandered over to McDonald's which was conviently located in the Wal-Mart. I fussed over how they had nothing I liked to eat on the money for about 15 minutes and then decided on a hamburger as it was the only item even slightly acceptable to my pickiness.

Once I got my hamburger and sat down, I began picking off the contents of the burger so I could just eat the bread. I, not paying attention to the world around me, did not notice Lee coming over. He walked right up to me and sat down. I had completely forgotten about him. He picked up the hamburger and smeared the mustard that was on it all over the top of his head. I watched in fascination as Lee picked up the lettuce and shoved it in his pocket. Next, he took the meat and ate it. After he was done, Lee looked as if he was about to do a demonstration. He took the lid off of my Coca Cola and picked it up. Showing me what he was going to do, he opened up his pants and poured it all in, not flinching at all. He then walked off, and I came back to reality. I shot him with the BMGGBTQM and sat down, waiting to see if I would go home. Nothing happened. I decided that I would reanalyze the situation and see if I had forgotten something. I had gotten all of the items. People…hmm…yes we each had four people to get and I had done my job but there must be something I was forgetting. I sat. Thinking. I'm not sure why it took me so long to figure out that one of my best friends was what had been missing.


	9. Chapter 9: Llama Love Chocolates

Chapter Nine: Llama Love Chocolates

Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling's ideas.

I Am _Not _Crazy

Hermione:

"Harry!" I exclaimed out loud, proud for finally figuring it out finally but at the same time, feeling guilty I had forgotten about someone so close to me. "He must be in here somewhere," I mumbled to myself. I hadn't seen Harry while on the chase to get Neville but then again, my full attention had been on Neville and not the rest of the store so it might have been possible I missed him.

I set off exploring every inch of the store. It was near Valentine's Day and because certain companies love to overdo it so much, pretty much the whole store was covered in red. After about a half hour of looking, I found Harry in candy section of the store. I do not know why I didn't realize it sooner. Harry and Ron are always eating. As soon as he saw me, he started to run at me. "Harry!" I called out. I was happy to see him. Now we could finally go home. He was running towards me faster now with his arms out and had a very funny expression on his face. I thought he wanted to give me a hug and so I reached out my arms at him too. Coming closer he put his lips together, looking like he was ready for a big smooch and I knew what he was about to do. But I was too late to duck out of it. He got to me, lips and all. Our lips met and he continued to cover me in tiny little kisses. "Hermione I'm so happy to see you my love!" he started to say.

"What?" I asked, very confused. "Harry what the hell are you talking about?"

"I thought I was stuck back in the muggle world. All I could think about was you Hermione. Oh I so missed you. Come to me my love!" and he started in on me again. However, this time I was ready for him and managed to back out of it before he started to swarm me with kisses yet again. I saw a bag of candy in his hand. I thought I might have an idea of what was going on.

"Harry, what did you do when you first found you were in Wal-Mart?"

"Well let's see. First I saw Neville and we were trying to find a way out."

He moved closer. I took a step back.

"And then Neville saw some animal cage and lost me. So I got hungry."

He got closer. I moved back.

"So I got hungry and decided what better to eat then Valentine candy?" he kept walking closer to me while I walked backwards, getting close to the wall. I stopped and took the bag from him. On it was a heart, and I knew by the name of the candy, Mr. Crouch had put it there. **_Llama's Love Attack_**.

I could see in small print on the bottom it read:

_ Need that special someone to fall in love with you? Need your lover to get rid of their current love and be your valentine instead of someone else's?_** _Llama's Love Attack_**_is proven to make the love of your life fall head over heels for you with just one piece of our chocolate. First person seen or thought of__ after eating candy will be loved forever. It can be a picture of a person, person, or object. Warning: Effect of candy due to wear off within 4 hours. High amounts of chocolate may result in long periods of affection._

"Oh no," I groaned. "Harry how much of this chocolate did you eat?"

"Just about the whole thing," he replied. "Each piece made me think of you more and more." I looked in the bag. He was right. It was only about a quarter full still. Harry moved towards me and got me up against the wall. I was stuck. I felt something in my pocket and realized I still had the BMGGBTQM and quickly took it out.

"Harry I have a present for you!" I said.

"A present! From my love! Oh Hermione! I cannot wait to see what you have gotten me. Anything from you is a joy. What is it? What is it!"

"You really want it?" I asked.

"Oh yes of course!" he giggled.

"Okay, here it is. Close your eyes."

"Ooh Hermione I never knew you were like this."

Neither did I Harry. Neither did I." He closed his eyes.

I held up the Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There-Quick-Machine, laughing quietly to myself at Harry, lips puckered, ready for a kiss. I stuck the Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There-Quick-Machine right up to his lips and "ZAP!" he went back to the classroom and so did the Big-Mega-Giant-Get-Back-There-Quick-Machine. I sat down to think about what had just happened when Ginny walked through the "Welcome!" doors at Wal-Mart.


	10. Chapter 10: Running Into Walls

Chapter Ten: Running into Walls

Disclaimer: I don't own J.K. Rowling's ideas, work, characters, yaddi yaddi ya. You get the point.

I Am _Not _Crazy

Hermione:

Ginny did not look happy when she walked in. It looked like she had gone through a pretty rough day compared to my day at Wal-Mart though I DO have to give myself credit for fighting off an army of gingerbread men. Well actually I was running away from them but if anyone else asks, I was fighting them. It's hard without a wand. I told Ginny about my day and she wasn't happy to here that I was in Wal-Mart for most of it. We both laughed over the dress and swore we'd torture Luna over her King for years to come. Ginny and I talked and laughed about the day till we realized we still needed to figure out how to get back to the school. We had both done our missions and we hadn't been sent back to the classroom. Both of us decided to try and figure out a way home as obviously Mr. Crouch was way too out of it in order to help get us back home. We'd probably be in for a lecture about llamas if we tried to get him to send us home.

"You have any ideas?" Ginny asked after 15 minutes of nothing being spoken.

"No, not really." I said, let down. I normally had an idea. My eyes caught something bright green out of the corner of my eye. I turned around in my chair and spotted a new book by a muggle about what they supposed magic was about, fresh on the rack. All of a sudden an idea came to me. I jumped up from my seat. "Ginny! We could try running into walls!" I said, thinking I was a genius.

Ginny burst out laughing. I stared at her; I had found nothing wrong with what I said. "What's so funny?" I asked. She got up from where she had been rolling around on the floor from laughter. "Hermione let me get this straight. You want us to run headfirst into walls in order to get back to the school." I did not understand. "Yes…it'd be like the hogwarts Express." Ginny broke into hysterics yet again. A few minutes later, she recomposed herself. "Hermione, I knew you haven't been quite well…yourself lately but this is pushing even your new limits. A muggle building being capable of having walls with magic? I mean this is just too much even for you to think of!" I was very confused. It was a brilliant idea. We would use the walls like when we boarded the Hogwarts Express each year to get back to the school. Yes, it might not work but it was at least worth a try. I didn't see how this was **so**amazingly funny.

Ignoring her, I went over and stood about fifty feet away from a nice, plain wall. Ginny, still finding this hilarious, went and stood right next to the wall, hovering a red blanket in front of the wall like I was a bull. I paid no mind to her. I took a deep breath and charged at the wall.

I went right through the wall. My only regrets are that I didn't see Ginny's face when I didn't SMACK right into the wall and fall back on the floor. I was back in the classroom and the room was pure chaos. I regretted coming back as it was better at Wal-Mart. Leprechauns had locked us in the potions room and were chasing everyone around the room with torches filled with rainbow goo.


	11. Chapter 11: hello Insanity, Goodbye All

Chapter Eleven: Hello Insanity, Goodbye Mr. Crouch

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot.

I Am _Not_ Crazy

Hermione:

Parvati was hanging by the ceiling by her shirt, and looked as if someone had stuck her there, looking absolutely petrified. Neville looked as if his hair had been glued with rainbow goo to the blackboard. He was pitifully trying to get himself unstuck as a leprechaun was still trying to force him to actually eat the goo. It looked as if Crabbe's butt had been glued to a chair in the room and it looked as if the goo on his chair was very, very hot as he was screaming and shouting something about water. Professor Meyers was hiding under his desk. He must have stayed behind through this whole adventure. I for one had completely forgotten about him.

Ron, Goyle, and Luna were all hovered in a corner with three leprechauns closing in on them. Malfoy was attempting to try to fight the leprechaun that was chasing himm around the room and Lee was putting in an effort to open the door that was locked shut with goo. Harry, as soon as he had seen me, had instantly crowded me and was telling me just how amazing I was. I stared around the room in shock as this all went on. No one noticed or said anything to me. Moments later Ginny popped through the wall I had come through minutes before and gave the room an expression of pure horror.

"To hell with llamas!" Lee shouted as he was unable to get the door open and instantly Mr. Crouch appeared.

"What did you say?" Mr. Crouch uttered.

"To hell with llamas. This is ridiculous!" Lee bellowed back.

Mr. Crouch was exceedingly angry. He grew redder and redder by the second and he started turning into something that resembled a balloon. He got bigger and bigger till he was half the size of the room. By the time he was this large, the room had fallen quiet and all eyes were on him. Abruptly, he exploded and out of him came mutant ducks and fliers covered in pictures of llamas. The leprechauns dropped what they were doing and started screaming. You see, mutant ducks are leprechauns' only fears. The door got blown open from the explosion and Mr. Crouch was gone. The mutant ducks were seen chasing the leprechauns down the hallway and off the school grounds.

Everything and everyone went back to normal pretty much after that. Ginny and I were the only ones however who seem to remember our great adventure. I do not know why no one else remembers. For once, I am unable to come up with a conclusion as to why it turned out in this strange, abnormal way.

So that's what happened. Yes that is it. You see it really did happen! No, no one else remembers it but Ginny but it all comes together perfectly and we now know how to get rid of leprechauns if they ever do attack again! I don't think we'll have to worry about Mr. Crouch ever again so I don't see why the situation is dangerous at all. That is why I don't see the reason why I am now stuck in this room, with all white walls and no way out. I'm all by myself and the healers in this facility think I've lost it. I've tried escaping. Obviously by running into the walls in order to convert myself to another world but nothing so far has worked.

Will someone please let me out?


End file.
